You might wonder why I do it-- why I always try to shut you out. I do it because I'm tired and it brings me peace and quiet. It brings me peace to hear nothing of you. And on my best days, when life goes on as it should, I forget about you, almost as if you never existed, as if I never knew you.
When I used to be angry, my reason for shutting you out was because I didn't want you to have that chance to play any part in my life anymore. You do not get to be in my life anymore. You do not get to participate, you're simply not in it anymore. But I'm tired of being angry. It uses up too much energy. And being angry means still caring, which is the last thing on my agenda.
I'm getting there. I'm on my way towards not caring at all which is great. You know you've finally moved on when you see that person, and nothing happens. There is a blank space where your feelings used to be. Sure, you may acknowledge his/her presence, and then that's it. Someone who used to occupy your mind all the time, is nothing now but a fleeting moment. And you couldn't care less what happens to that moment.
Out of sight, out of mind. Losing object permanence like a child, not because you've become immature but because you've become mature enough to accept that some things in life, are meant to be temporary.
No comments:
Post a Comment