Animal Instinct

(Deadly Class, Issue #4)

We've got to know when it's time to stop. But sometimes, even if we know, we still don't. Even if we know the truth as plain as day, even if the facts are all laid out and tabulated, for as long as you have even just as little as 0.4% of that thing called hope (sometimes false hope), that iota of hope is sufficient enough to get all fired up again, enabling us to wear rose-tinted glasses and avoid the logical and realistic.

I'm not saying I'm hoping- hell, I am so done with that. (Whatever Manny Pacquiao and everyone else says), humans are in a way, part of the animal kingdom, creatures of habit and necessity. So blame my primitive roots for always giving in to my id. However, one special thing that sets humans apart is our very hamartia, and that is our predilection for self-destruction.

People are obsessed with self-destruction, truth be told. You see it everywhere, in post-apocalyptic movies, in dystopian novels. People know what's dangerous for them and yet they choose to veer towards the edge of the cliff when come to think of it, these risky behaviors in no place uphold the theory of natural selection. And for what? For the thrill? To feel more alive? I really don't know.

I see myself as a firefly, that knows it's stupid to go near the flame, but goes near it anyway. Every time I'm given the chance, I choose self-destruction each time. Every. Damn. Time.

But it has to stop. I need to pour vinegar all over my brain and let it sit for a while. I wish it would be as easy as tinkering with my hippocampus or whatever part of my brain and induce retrograde amnesia but it's not. The cold, cruel world prefers the slow agonizing torture of boredom, silence, loneliness and non-existent texts.

So until I find the solution to this odd predilection, let's all grab some popcorn and laugh at this. Maybe after this I'll be strong enough to move the hell on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Post-entry note 2/21/16: My bestfriend was right- I romanticize "self-destruction" way too much. Hahaha.