Living Inside My Head

I've been living inside my head way too much than I should be.

For every sentence that comes out of my mouth, there's an unsaid paragraph going on in my mind as well. For every spoken statement, a series of snide commentaries and observations about everything come with it. In an argument, it comes to a point when all I can say is "OK" but the heated debate goes on but somehow never quite making it out there. 

On the outside, it seems as though I am quietly sitting at the backseat of the car but inside my mind it is just about as noisy as a marching band in a fiesta, as wild as a kid thrashing about in the forest, spilling buckets of paint everywhere, as maddening as the air bombarding the eardrums of a person free-falling headfirst from an airplane. 

These ideas can be anything but sometimes have recurring themes such as:

1. Overanalyzing - Was it something I said? Did I say it right? Was she offended? I somehow feel like I'm supposed to be embarrassed about something but still figuring out what it is exactly...(typical #4 enneagram)
2. The uncontrollable flashback - Happens especially at around 3am when I can't sleep, replaying over and over again events of my recent "lay-off" along with a wave of existentialist questions and a feeling of fear of the uncertainty of life.
3. The uncontrollable flashforward - Somehow usually happens when I'm in the shower, this is an obsessive replay of how things should have been, or variations of how I can redeem myself in the future. 

Yup, so I guess I really do have my head in the clouds more than I should be spending life down here on earth. I try to remind myself to just live in the moment. I mean, what kind of person spoils the happy moment for herself way before it begins because she knows it's about to end soon?

After all has been said (or rather thought about), there is really no choice but to get out there. To drop that book, wake up from that nap, and just get out there! ...And to publish this entry and interact with regular folks I suppose!